The word “threshold” means brink or starting point for something or the level for a person. And generally associated with the onset of some stage. Using this word to associate with sexual harassment at the workplace may seem a little out of place but nonetheless is very apt also.
Sexual harassment at workplace may not be very openly discussed but the thought of using threshold to analyze our understanding of sexual harassment at workplace occurred to me after watching an episode from the legal drama series Boston Legal, where the character of Lori Colson nearly files a sexual harassment case against senior partner Denny Crane. Denny had always been shown as pompous and over the top and a womanizer. Being a senior partner his behavior was always accepted as normal and tolerated. But its not the case with Lori Colson. But eventually Lori withdraws her complaint under pressure from another senior partner at the firm.
My analysis of reports on the corporate world (http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2013/oct/23/sexual-harassment-workplace-endemic-women) and discussions with friends who work with women based NGOs made me realize that there are many shades and levels of harassment that we are not able to feel the existence of. We take many aspects of behaviors for granted and tolerate them just because we have been doing so. It’s not about the male gaze as such. When we don’t have specific female role models or mentors we don’t instinctively realize many things that happen to us until after many years of maturity.
Especially now when we have developed an obsession with youth and looks and achievements and women have more opportunities open to them. There is no stigma attached to women delaying marriage and children. Nonetheless, there is still a subtle yet insidious way in which the harassment continues and somehow its all the more demeaning. The old demarcations have definitely faded away but in its place we have the liberated young woman who can be approached and taken to be a willing partner in exploring more than just the job.
When one of my friends approached a senior manager from another team in her organization for a role in his team she was met with a surprising answer. She was clearly told that she wasn’t “visible” to him as she wasn’t taking pains to message, call and “whatsapp” him and clearly there were many others who did that very often. He also implied that he wasn’t sure if he could go ahead and call her on weekends if he wanted to and hence the positions were getting closed with other people. There can be two sets to female responses to this experience. One, where the woman just ignores it because no comments were passed on her, he had not approached for any sexual favors in return for the job and because he was plainly trying to be funny and friendly. But then, there could be some like Lori, which in my case my friend was, and could see the blatant way in which he was suggesting that he needed that something to consider her for the role whereas he could have just said that she didn’t fit the bill.
But are we as women always ready to take every situation head on and deal with it? In most cases there would be no reaction but feigning of ignorance. And also acceptance of the same “ sexual harassment is endemic” and we cant do much about it response.. The point to understand is that harassment has always been about exercising your power over the other and its mostly gender based (male over female) but the outcomes should not be allowed to pass. With IT companies being so gender sensitive nowadays, sexual harassment should never be tolerated and nor should there be accepted patterns of behavior which are blatantly sexual and vicious in nature but tolerated or normalized. Many of us as women unconsciously adopt the female pattern of growth in our organizations- accept the motherhood and gender (inferior) effect consciously or unconsciously and hence don’t question our situation and corresponding growth prospects. The way out is to speak up and fight against the stereotypes that are bound to come our way. It should never be a case of- why didn’t she protest when it was happening with her”? Or as my friend quipped-“ it should never be a case of – she never told me that she didn’t want it””. So lets not let that excuse make people in positions of power get away. If just protesting or rather speaking out our feelings helps then so be it. We will start from there. That may be my threshold of a complaint.
Sometimes a very negative experience turns out to be the most rewarding in the long run. It opens up amazing inroads and shows us the great possibilities that we had in life and never knew how to recognize. The challenges that women continue to face in the workplace similarly make them all the more adept at handling their multiple challenges and the day is not far off when women will be appreciated solely for their work without attention being stolen by their appearance. My friend recently faced a very tough and cruel experience at her place of work. Being pregnant she was not keen on travelling as much she had been for the organization. This made her appear as unproductive to her boss who kept finding fault with her performance throughout her term and finally submitted a formal memo to her. This memo came just before her 4 month paid maternity leave. Meant as a blow to make her resign, it instead made her take her organization to court. From being someone who had unquestioningly put in more hours than all her colleagues, she had taken on the entire senior management. So she had become a liability as she was in the process of taking up the most important assignment of her life as a woman.
The observation of the career path of women does present hiccups and meanderings a little more than their male counterparts. Though many of us who work in software MNCs would vouch for the complete equality we have in our professional space, there does remain the fact that women do face more challenges and are not considered competent enough for leadership roles. Being the deal maker, smarter, faster and better than their competitors is still not appreciated in women. They get labelled as “aggressive” go getters.
My work on researching reasons for women’s attrition in my previous organization made me explore the discourse about the evils of women careerists over homemakers. Professionally qualified women still gave it all up to relocate with their spouses. And I also learnt that we had very few women in leadership positions. Women specifically face challenges related to the stage of their personal life cycle, assertiveness/ aggressiveness and incredulous as it may sound to you, age. Often enough many of the work domains are dominated by men and hence women are given the short shrift even if they have proved themselves to be careerists. But most times these particular experiences turn out to be preparation for the women for their more senior and plum posts.. A probation of sorts. Its akin to a quiver full of arrows in terms of the skills and attitude each of these experiences develops in them and the various ways they arm themselves to face the roles they need to play successfully. It did develop a new skill and strength in my friend.
In some cases identity crises sets in for women who tend to prove to be “not just men in skirts”. Communication channels generally get blocked or disturbed and their contributions are less fully valued.
But nonetheless, all these challenges shape you. Someone as high profile as Marissa Mayer (CEO of Yahoo) was not spared and called “robotic and stuck up”, “gender blind” and they clearly show the gender bias at work here in labelling her as such. But it didn’t stop her from taking many tough decisions as CEO. In fact, it helps to have these professional“jolts”early on as it makes one strong enough to handle people and top management issues later on.
Are there any specific mantras or experiences that churn out the best in people? We need to develop our own set of skills and strengths and not shy away from challenges or our specific weaknesses. We also need to maintain our originality as best we can and not forget that there is no fixed traditional pathway to the top. As more and more women join the professionals population there will be evolution in the way they are perceived. We need to decide what arrows we need in our case and how we can replenish the quiver as per the times.
Monotony, tedium and mundaneness are all terms that affect us very often. Sometimes the mundaneness of things makes us feel dry within; as if a slice of life has died and we don’t know what to do next. It is sometimes this tedium of things that we sometimes cherish after they are over.
Sometimes the only redeeming features in life are also those that are so routinized that we tend to ignore them. We watch movies where life seems so interesting, romantic, on the move and we would like to see ourselves in such lives. Lead the same characters and wear the same clothes and have the same relationships….
And in all of this we allow life to become similar to that of a prisoner where we are constantly in an inquisition. We fail to see beyond the set rule, let alone breed defiance. And this defiance and disobedience most times brings out the most creative in us. The purpose here is not to belittle any particular aspect of life or any particular person. But to come up with ways and methods to overcome them and get on with life.
Have you ever imagined that the Monday blues that we feel are in response to the fear we have of tedium? Some practical ways of handling not just Monday blues but work day hues could be the following:
- Feeling dull and you should dress up in bright colors
- An empty feeling and a deep color would provide the needed depth
- You feel you are dealing with an invalid work environment- a very common phenomenon where there are team parity issues and you should just keep your cool always- no recommended colors L
- If you feel that you are in an emotional jungle then please stick to blues and greys. They bring out the professional in you!
- Capitalize on, make real and make the best of whatever work that is offered to you. Always ask for more or the kind of work that you want
- If you feel you lack faith in your capacities- wear red. It brings out the fighter and negotiator…
- If you are in a happy state and in no mood to work- please wear pink. It shows that you are innocent and happy.
We should also try and remember that there is no black and white world and that there is no complete honesty or integrity in the corporate world. There are many shades of grey and must be seen as it is. Requirements change and we must keep up or risk getting lost or relegated to the background as the ones who didn’t quite catch up and succeed.
A few more observations on the basis of my constant effort to understand leadership styles, people and work teams is that truth is a very strong medicine. It should only be administered very sparingly and caution and restraint should be exercised by any leader while giving feedback. I have been told umpteen times that being “on the face” doesn’t help and is not appreciated. At the same time we should not let anyone smother our creativity and our singular thinking to make the environment dull and sterile.
The key to a satisfying, successful and enriching professional experience to a large extent lies in our approach to most things. Success is to be defined singularly and is to be experienced as per our definition. Career path has to be chosen carefully by each one of us and patiently followed without giving it up when organizational changes happen.
Finally, coming back to defiance; a pinch of it should be mixed up in everything that we do and say so that we can make our mark and be remembered for our singular style. A little bit of defiance can always be passed off as creativity J
I am totally immobilized and fatigued. We are all in the great rat race of the 21st century. All that matters is how successful you have been, whether you have bought your first house by your late 20s and whether … Continue reading
Statistics shows that we, the youth, atleast in India are by far the most involved and proactive generation. This youth population, for which India is set to gain in terms of economic growth. So just as Barbra Streisand says in “The way we were”- “We are a very beautiful generation; the best, the brightest and the most committed”.
But it would not be very incorrect to say that our in children’s generation some kind of stasis has set in. Atleast in terms of developing social skills. A chance encounter with my nephew and his classmates (all kids between the age group of 5 to 7) made me realize where the stasis lay. “What are you playing”? Is all I had to ask to each of these kids and none of them bothered to glance my way. Opening doors of conversations with kids has never been difficult for me but it was definitely an eye opener. It made me realize that their behavior patterns were different from what it had been for us- the so called Gen X & Y.
Our urban lifestyle seems to be at the forefront of personality development. It is based on the premise of individualism and prioritizes “me” and “mine” over “we” and “us”. We seem to optimize our own interest only. Thus the kids who grow up in this lifestyle have very low attention span and time for others- as in, grandparents, neighbors or cousins. Those significant groups in our growing up years. Gone are the days of spending summer afternoons with cousins on mango trees with Enid Blytons. Children now would rather play videogames right from morning through evening or be glued to their laptops and learn alphabets at readingeggs.com. The straight jacketed approach of us as parents- trying to develop skills in our kids to beat the ever increasing complexity of technology and do well in the rat race has resulted in nerdy kids who are unfriendly and impatient and seem like having stunted social skills.
Another casualty staring us in the face is the possible disruption of nuclear family. Has our urban lifestyle made us so self centred that we are completely missing out on inclusivism? “I think, therefore I am”- the dictum of Rene Descartes is eventually going to take permanent shape in our societies where till a few decades ago joint family was the norm. This seems like a scary thought…
We as parents need to run a check on ourselves and take a break from realizing our careers and ambitions. This may sound very unprogressive to many, but to subvert skewed or distorted changes in our families, we need to take the call. We do seem very lost sometimes in playing a fine balancing role between parent and careerist, but like all things tough, this has a simple solution. Let us not forget our basic responsibilities as parents and prioritize so that our forthcoming generations get to experience all the beautiful relationships that age offers. And we should not allow time to narrow itself in front of us and miss living. Let us remain the beautiful generation…
Events that happened last week brought back old memories from my previous organization and also the precious employee grievance chapters learnt in HR.
My best friend had quit her highly coveted new job. A role that she had been following up on for four years and had finally landed. But then all roles don’t turn out to be what they appear to be. And a role is not just that- its an amalgamation of the team, its vision and the general environment. Her exposure had made her realize that we work for people and particular set ups more than for brands. And it was precisely the reason that had made her quit her new job. So when we pursue career options is it just on the basis of what we learn about the role on paper or do we do a thorough research about the team, the manager, the manager’s vision about the company and his team and also our growth vis-à-vis the organization?
These were moot points that were coming up in my mind. How often have we ignored our goals and aspirations? And obviously we also don’t attribute much importance to the love/belonging strata in the motivation theory of Maslow. And sometimes we simply don’t belong. Whatever that means. Sometimes both aspirations and acceptance are what we are looking for.
We so easily cross the divide between passion and duty as children. The ideas and rules set by parents for their children determine and guide their feelings and desires. Sometimes they don’t realize their passion and their true calling until a much later age. It is very comfortable and most times obligatory for kids to strive to achieve their parents’ dreams and never feel their own passion. Children are duty bound and cater to the most basic human need—belonging & acceptance. Differences and rebelliousness are not appreciated until one is old enough to realize or find himself. Until we stop bickering about the rat race and slowly start giving ourselves the chance we shall never achieve fulfillment. The paralysis set in by the rules needs to be corrected otherwise we shall all emerge as retarded.
Let us strive to live life to its fullest , mind and soul. Living life is about self-gratification, success and enjoying every moment. My friend eventually found a very fulfilling role in a startup where she is able to realize not only her potential but is also able to connect her passion to her work.
Coming back to motivation and purpose again, its something that shifts base with age and maturity. So being the belonging strata now and later on can be the self-actualization need. Even though we may have achieved” metamotivation”- the motivation of people who go beyond the basic physiological need; and esteem had featured in our ambition/need, belonging can take dominance anytime.
We generally don’t accept differences and diversity of our “others” in our lives- it may be in our family or at our workplace. Being “fat”, “intellectual”, “silent” or may be from a different region can be a detriment to first the acceptance and the resultant growth of that person in an organization. Regional bias can be an entire reason for growth or failure.But then this world has inherently been an unfair place and we need to constantly strive to better ourselves. The flip side is that this unfairness in some ways helps us achieve the maximum of our abilitiesJ.
The opposite of love is not always hate. It is indifference. Many of us believe that things can be changed only if we pretend them away. But real life doesn’t give us such easy options. Big terms like socialism and … Continue reading